Well, if you’re at all familiar with the Basement’s track record then you know two things. First, we tend to be a bit lazy in our promptness. So in the vain of posting our NFL predictions after week 1 had already been played, it’s time to present to you the 2010 Parents’ Basement death pool draft. Of course, death pool drafts typically take place before, or at the start of, a new year but that’s just not how we roll.

The other thing you know about the Basement, (bare with me, I know there aren’t any true followers of the Basement … yet) is that when we finally get around to doing something, we go balls out. Oh, you like to do an office pool for March Madness? Scoff. At the Basement, we pick every game of every conference tournament.

So while you may have some mom and pop death pool draft with your friends where you each pick five people, the Basement goes all out. Personally, I had about 250 people on my big board, but Pat and I decided to each pick a 25-person roster. For those unfamiliar with the concept of a death pool, the point is to select someone who you think has a chance of dying in 2010. Of course, there’s a little more involved, otherwise we’d both be picking nothing but old people. If one of your “players” does indeed bite the dust, your awarded point total is the age of the deceased subtracted from 100.

Points = 100 – Dan Rather’s age

Without further ado, I present to you the rosters for the 2010 Death Pool. Pat picked first overall, then I got two sandwich picks and it was 1-1-1 … from then on.Also, we only picked (marginal) celebrities for the purposes of the blog. It wouldn’t be much fun for the three of you reading if I picked Hall Wang since you don’t know who he is.

Pat – The Billy Mays All-Stars

1. Khaleid Sheikh Mohammed
2. John Wooden
3. Seve Ballesteros
4. Fidel Castro
5. Ernie Harwell
6. Mohammed Ali
7. Dick Clark
8. Doug E Doug
9. Peter Falk
10. Verne Troyer
11. Manute Bol
12. The Great Khali
13. Artie Lange
14. Courtney Love
15. Amy Winehouse
16. Lex Luger
17. Martin Sheen
18. Lindsey Lohan
19. Dennis Hopper
20. Bobby The Brain Heenan
21. Jimmy Carter
22. Elizabeth Taylor
23. Kirk Douglas
24. Queen Elizabeth
25. Andy Rooney

Bo – “Was Gonna Pick JD Salinger A Month Ago”

1. Michael J. Fox
2. Brittney Spears
3. Robert Byrd
4. Pacman Jones
5. Danica Patrick
6. Bret The Hitman Hart
7. Nelson Mandela
8. Rowdy Roddy Piper
9. Gene Hackman
10. Pat Summerall
11. Gheorge Muresan
12. Tera Patrick
13. Mahmoud Ahmedenijad
14. David Blaine
15. John McCain
16. Owen Wilson
17. Larry Holmes
18. Bill Conlin
19. John Goodman
20. Flea
21. Tito Jackson
22. Don Rickles
23. Trig Palin
24. Linda McCartney
25. Michael C. Hall

Overall, I have to say that Pat’s roster is a little deeper. With the first overall pick, he took a guy who could be given the death penalty. It’s borderline BS, but I have to tip my cap to a good scouting department. Pat got great value from his first four picks, but he also had a few later-round gems.

Best Pick

Pat – Artie Lange in the 13th round. Not only did the guy already try to kill himself recently, but he’s such a fat, alcoholic mess of a life that he could just up and die even if he doesn’t want to. Lange’s only 42, so this could turn out to be the game-changer.

Bo – Nelson Mandela in the 7th round. I’m not sure exactly how I was able to steal Mandela from Pat, who talks about Mandela more than anyone else alive. It won’t be a huge point-haul from the 92-year-old, but I’m just happy with sniping someone from Pat’s watch list.

Wildcard

Pat – Amy Winehouse. Winehouse is a staple of death pool drafts because of her absurd lifestyle, but nothing’s beaten her yet. If she does go six feet under this year though, she’ll net Pat a huge 74 points. I should note here that you don’t get any points if you’re involved in the person’s death. Looking at you Pat.

Bo – Trig Palin – The most controversial pick of the draft, but it presents the biggest upside. Trig is Palin’s youngest child, currently less than 2-years-old, and he has down syndrome. I know, this makes me a terrible person, but I’m just looking for the best value.

Worst Pick

Pat – Doug E. Doug – Hilarious, but ill-advised. As long as Doug has his lucky egg, he’s not going anywhere.

Bo – Tera Patrick – I felt like taking someone from porn, but this is just not a good pick. Patrick has transcended the seediest parts of porn by this point, so I don’t expect her to go anywhere.

UPDATE – Please read the comments section for a well-reasoned follow-up and post-draft analysis from the bastard third member. Basically the Crush to our Ax and Smash.