In February of 2010, Bo and I had a death pool draft, which he wrote up here:

http://theparentsbasement.com/2010/02/11/2010-death-pool-draft/

Now, I must first admit that it is completely unfair of me to score it like this because technically only 2010 deaths should count. But fuck it. I’m going to take every single point anyway. The main point of this review, however, is not to bask in the glory of my victory, but to focus on the unbelievable horribleness of Bo’s draft. So without further ado:

Pat – The Billy Mays All-Stars

1. Khaleid Sheikh Mohammed
2. John Wooden (Dead at 99: 1 point)
3. Seve Ballesteros (Dead at 54: 46 points)
4. Fidel Castro
5. Ernie Harwell (Dead at 92: 8 points)
6. Mohammed Ali
7. Dick Clark
8. Doug E Doug
9. Peter Falk (Dead at 83 : 17 points)
10. Verne Troyer
11. Manute Bol (Dead at 47: 53 points)
12. The Great Khali
13. Artie Lange
14. Courtney Love
15. Amy Winehouse (Dead at 27: 73 points)
16. Lex Luger
17. Martin Sheen
18. Lindsey Lohan
19. Dennis Hopper (Dead at 74: 26 points)
20. Bobby The Brain Heenan
21. Jimmy Carter
22. Elizabeth Taylor (Dead at 79: 21 points)
23. Kirk Douglas
24. Queen Elizabeth
25. Andy Rooney

TOTAL: 245 Points

Bo – “Was Gonna Pick JD Salinger A Month Ago”

1. Michael J. Fox

Can anyone explain this as a #1 pick? I picked Ali, so I can’t come out and kill someone for picking a guy with Parkinson’s, but at least Ali has had it for a really long time. It’s been 15 years since he lit the torch in Atlanta, and I would’ve felt more comfortable for everyone’s safety with world renowned arsonist Gas Can McGee doing the honors even back then. Fox is still a middle aged man. This is a Jamarcus Russell level start to the draft for Bo.

2. Brittney Spears

Again, what is he thinking here? This is the 3^rd overall pick in the draft. You need to come away with some asshole with one foot in the grave and Bo goes with a person who’s death would be absolutely shocking. Horrible pick. Horrible strategy. Embarassing.

3. Robert Byrd (Dead at 93: 7 points)

Congrats, Bo. On this pick, it actually seemed like you briefly understood the goal of this draft.

4. Pacman Jones

Can’t really criticize this pick either. I know that one day I will wake up and read “Pacman Jones dead” on ESPN.com’s headlines. It’s really just a matter of when.

5. Danica Patrick

So after two picks that actually seemed logical, Bo went back to drafting like Matt Millen after a 2 week heroin binge. Dale Earnhardt died a decade ago. They have made racing much safer since then. This is the equivalent of picking Sully Sullenberger.

6. Bret The Hitman Hart

7. Nelson Mandela

8. Rowdy Roddy Piper

9. Gene Hackman

10. Pat Summerall

11. Gheorge Muresan

This was a pretty good run by Bo. Not sure Piper and Hart would be my top two wrestling death bets, but there is at least some logic behind it. And let’s face it, at this point in his draft, I’m happy with “some logic”. Mandela and Summerall as the old guys, and Muresan as the absurdly tall guy (although obviously my Manute Bol pick was way better. Suck it, Bo) also make sense. And Hackman was worth a flier. Hasn’t panned out, but he had some potential.

12. Tera Patrick

Lazy pick here. Ron fucking Jeremy’s still running around (or maybe flopping around is the better way to put it), and I guarantee you in his day, he was doing shit that would make Tera Patrick look like the Virgin Mary. Also it’s ironic that Bo picked two girls with the last name “Patrick” cause they have careers that were dangerous 25 years ago.

13. Mahmoud Ahmedenijad

Whatever.

14. David Blaine

Picking David Blaine because you think he’s going to die during a trick is like watching House and saying “There’s no way he can solve this one!”

15. John McCain

16. Owen Wilson

17. Larry Holmes

18. Bill Conlin

19. John Goodman

20. Flea

21. Tito Jackson

22. Don Rickles

Don’t have much to say about these picks. Most are fine, except that I have to assume he picked Tito because Michael died, which is obviously retarded, and speaking of retarded…

23. Trig Palin

Preposterous pick. Unless Bo is some type of weird Darwinist who is going to go after poor Trig himself, than I think this child will live for quite a while. Thought this would be the worst pick he’d come up with, but he wasted no time in proving me wrong…

24. Linda McCartney

We did this draft in February 2010. Linda McCartney died in April 1998. For any young kids looking to get into the Death Pool business, there is one rule to remember above all others: You have to be alive to die.

25. Michael C. Hall

He was battling cancer at the time, so fair enough, but the damage to this draft has already been done.

FINAL SCORE: Pat – 245, Bo – 7

Bo’s Draft Grade: F-