OVC

Semifinals: Murray State over Eastern Illinois, Morehead State over Tennessee Tech

Finals: Morehead State over Murray State

Thoughts: At the end of the day, Morehead just has too much head to be defeated.

WCC

1st Round: Loyola Marymount over Pepperdine, Santa Clara over San Diego

2nd Round: Loyola over San Francisco, Portland over San Diego

Semfinals: Gonzaga over Loyola, Portland over St. Mary’s

Finals: Portland over Gonzaga

Thoughts: I think Bo’s right that Gonzaga doesn’t win this tournament, but I think he’s got the wrong team.

Horizon

2nd Round: Green Bay over Detroit, Cleveland State over Milwaukee

Semifinals: Green Bay over Wright State, Butler over Cleveland State

Finals: Butler over Green Bay

Thoughts: I think “Horizon League” is my least favorite name for a conference in the country. It sounds like the name of a douchebag bird watching group or something. So fuck you, Horizon League.

MAAC

1st Round: Loyola over Manhattan, Cansius over Marist

2nd Round: Siena over Loyola, St. Peter’s over Rider, Niagara over Iona, Fairfield over Canisius

Semifinals: Siena over St. Peter’s, Fairfield over Niagara

Finals: Siena over Fairfield

Thoughts: I don’t believe Bo has watched more than 10 minutes of a MAAC game in at least 3 years.

Four more conferences to pick before tonight, all 2-point conferences.

Ohio Valley (2-pointer)

Semis: #1 Murray State over #4 Eastern Illinois, #2 Morehead St. over #6 Tennessee Tech

Champion: Murray State

We missed the first round of this tourney, but don’t worry about it, you didn’t miss anything. Looks to me like Murray State is the clear class of this conference.

West Coast Conference (2-pointer)

1st round: #5 Loyola Marymount over #8 Pepperdine, #6 San Diego over #7 Santa Clara

2nd round: Loyola Marymount over #4 San Francisco, #3 Portland over San Diego

Semis: #1 Gonzaga over Loyola, #2 Saint Mary’s over Portland

Champion: Saint Mary’s

I actually like how the WCC structures their tourney. For a conference that’s generally looking to get two teams in, it makes sense to protect the best two until the semi’s.

Horizon (2-pointer)

2nd round: #7 Detroit over #3 Green Bay, #4 Milwaukee over #5 Cleveland St.

Semis: #2 Wright State over Detroit, #1 Butler over Milwaukee

Champion: Butler

We missed the first round of this one too, but it was only two games. Fuck Cleveland State and their former crackhead coach.

MAAC (2-pointer)

1st round: #9 Manhattan over #8 Loyola (MD), #7 Canisius over #10 Marist

2nd round: #1 Siena over Manhattan, #5 Rider over #4 St. Peter’s, #3 Iona over #6 Niagara, #2 Fairfield over Canisius

Semis: Siena over Rider, Iona over Fairfield

Champion: Siena

My love for the MAAC is well documented and I really wanted to side with the Gaels for my facebook friend Ricky Soliver but Siena is just better than everyone else in the league, they’re experienced and they have no way to get into the tourney with an at-large.

Southern (2-pointer)

Opening round: #3 Davidson over #6 Elon, #4 UNC-Greensboro over #5 Furman, #4 Citadel over #5 Samford, #3 Chattanooga over #6 Georgia Southern

Quarters: Davdison over #2 WCU, #1 Wofford over UNC-G, Citadel over #1 Appalachian State, #2 College of Charleston over Chattanooga

Semis: Wofford over Davdison, C of C over Citadel

Champion: Wofford

You wanna know something pathetic? This broad is Wofford’s most famous alumnus.

CAA (2-Pointer)

Opening Round: #9 UNC-Wilmington over #8 Towson, #5 VCU over #12 Delaware, #6 Drexel over #11 JMU, #7 Hofstra over #10 Georgia State

Quarters: #1 Old Dominion over UNC-W, VCU over #4 George Mason, #3 William & Mary over Drexel, #2 Northeastern over Hofstra

Semis: VCU over ODU, Northeastern over Bill & That Lamb Girl

Champion: VCU

As Pat said, this league is loaded 1-7 and should make for one of the more interesting tourneys in the country. I’m sticking with the Larry Sanders show.

There are other picks to get to today, but these two conferences start in the afternoon, so I’ll get them out of the way first. And to return Bo’s favor of passing along my Lipscomb pick (and thanks a lot for that, asshole), I can tell you that he picks UNCW in the opening game.

CAA

First Round: #8 Towson over #9 UNCW, #5 VCU over #12 Delaware (teardrop), #7 Hofstra over # 10 Georgia State, #6 Drexel over #11 James Madison

Second Round: #1 Old Dominion over Towson, #4 George Mason over VCU, Hostra over #2 Northestern, #3 William & Mary over Drexel

Semifinals: GMU over ODU, WMU over Hofstra

Finals: WMU over GMU

Thoughts: There’s a huge split in this conference between the top 7 and bottom 5, so expect chalk in the early rounds. Once it gets to the semifinals though, it’s pretty much up in the air. I admit William & Mary’s impressive early season win at Wake played a major factor in this selection, but I also just really like how they play European style basketball. If they get into the tournament, they’re  a tough draw in round 1 (though the same can be said for any of the top 5 teams in this conference).

Southern

First Round: #3 Davidson over #6 Elon, #5 Furman over #4 UNCG, #4 Citadel over #5 Samford, #3 Chattanooga over #6 Georgia Southern

Second Round: #3 Davidson over #2 Western Carolina, #1 Wofford over #5 Furman, #1 App. State over #4 Citadel, #2 Charleston over #3 Chattanooga

Semifinals: Wofford over Davidson, Charleston over App. State

Finals: Charleston over Wofford

Thoughts: If you’re wondering about the repeating seed numbers, it’s because this conference is inexplicably split into 2 divisions. Actually, one of the best things about doing this the past 2 years is being reminded of how retarded that is on an annual basis.

Big South

Semifinals: Coastal Carolina over UNC Asheville, Radford over Winthrop

Finals: Coastal Carolina over Radford

Thoughts: Big South? More like Big Suck! (COUNT IT)

NEC

Quarterfinals: Quinnipiac over Monmouth, Robert Morris over CCSU, St. Francis over Mt. St. Mary’s, FDU over LIU

Semifinals: Quinnipiac over St. Francis, Robert Morris over FDU

Finals: Robert Morris over Quinnipiac

Thoughts: The bottom line is you can never bet against Bobby Morris in a situation like this. He’s tough as nails and he doesn’t take no for an answer.

MVC

1st Round: SIU over Drake, Missouri State over Evansville

2nd Round: NIU over SIU, Creighton over Bradley, Illinois State over Indiana State, Wichita State over Missouri State

Semifinals: Creighton over NIU, Wichita State over Illinois State

Finals: Wichita State over Creighton

Thoughts: In leagues like this where one team is probably in the 65 regardless and everybody else is playing for their lives, I think that team has to be much better than the rest of the desperate field to pull it out. And as Bo alluded to, I don’t think Northern Iowa is, so I’d expect them to get picked off at some point during this tourney.

Not worth updating the scoreboard yet, though the Patriot League was not kind to me.

Big South (1-pointer)

Semis: #1 Coastal Carolina over #4 UNC-Asheville, #3 Winthrop over #2 Radford

Champion: Coastal Carolina

Thoughts: We missed the first round of this tourney but it went all chalk so I’m fine with that. Coastal Carolina continues chalk cheese corduroy chapter Charlie Chaplin.

NEC (1-pointer)

Quarters: #1 Quinnipiac over #8 Monmouth, #2 Robert Morris over #7 CCSU, #3 Mt. St. Mary’s over #6 St. Francis (Pa.), #4 LIU over #5 Fairleigh Dickinson

Semis (Re-seed): Quinnipiac over LIU, Mt. St. Mary’s over Robert Morris

Champion: Quinnipiac

Missouri Valley (3-pointer)

Opening round: #9 Southern Illinois over #8 Drake, #7 Missouri State over #10 Evansville

Quarters: #1 Northern Iowa over SIU, #5 Bradley over #4 Creighton, #3 Illinois St. over #6 Indiana St., #2 Wichita State over Missouri State

Semis: Northern  Iowa over Bob Bradley Cooper, Wichita State over Illinois State

Champion: Northern Iowa

Thoughts: I don’t actually think Northern Iowa will win this tourney, it’s a pretty loaded conference, but I’m afraid to pick anyone else because they could all at any point too. And I think it’s only fair that whoever wins between Illinois State and Indiana State gets to absorb the other state into its own. Then in order to get back to 50 states we’ll just split Delaware into North and South Delaware.

First of all, as I haven’t posted since Bo put up the death pool results, I must give myself a pat on the back. I ran circles around him. Although, he definitely helped me by making some horrendous picks. Trig Palin would’ve put together a better team. Anyway, onto our next endeavour, the Conference Tourney Pick’em. I’m hoping to defend my crown and keep my streak alive as the best random guesser of game results between teams I know nothing about, so here goes nothing.

Atlantic Sun

1st Round: Lipscomb over Kennesaw State, ETSU over Campbell, Belmont over Mercer, Jacksonville over North Florida

2nd Round: ETSU over Lipscomb, Belmont over Jacksonville

Finals: ETSU over Belmont

Thoughts: If you know anything about me, you know that Tim Smith was my 231st favorite athlete of all time, and no other Atlantic Sun school has an alumnus in the top 25,000, so this was an easy pick.

(And by the way, I know Lipscomb (#1 seed) has lost already, so if you think I’m taking advantage of the fact that I know ETSU is playing an 8 seed than I must turn your attention to my A-Sun picks from last year. They won that tournament to pay tribute to me, so you better damn well believe I was going to pick them again.)

Patriot League

1st Round: Lehigh over Army, American over Navy, Lafayette over Colgate, Bucknell over Holy Cross

2nd Round: Lehigh over American, Bucknell over Lafayette

Finals: Lehigh over Bucknell

Thoughts: If you thought the USA/Canada game was big, can you imagine what would happen if these two teams meet up for the Patriot League crown? The excitement would grab the nation by the balls and possibly even stop global warming, so please, sports gods, let these two reach the finals for the sake of our grandchildren’s grandchildren.

Ladie-, well probably more like just gentlemen, the best time of year at TPB has finally arrived (two days ago). It’s time for the Ultimate Conference Tourney Pick’em (fuck exclamation points). If you need a refresher course on the rules, click here. Pat and I will be going head-to-head, picking every game of every conference tournament as I try to atone for the beating he gave me last year. I haven’t been as in tune to the college basketball world this season as I was last year, so I’m pretty sure that means I’ll actually do better.

There are 31 conference tournaments this year, so the bottom 11 conferences will be 1-point-per-game conferences, the middle 10 will be 2-point-per game conferences and the top 10 will be 3-point-per-game conferences. Picking the winner in a tournament is a x2 bonus.  Following last year’s results, it was clear that the top conferences were probably weighted too highly, as a first-round game in the ACC would be worth as much as picking the winner in the Patriot League. I’m not sure exactly how to rectify that though, especially considering that we’ve already missed three first-rounds, so we’ll have to make the changes next year.

As I just mentioned, the first round games in the Ohio Valley (2-pointer), Horizon League (2-pointer), and Big South (1-pointer) have already taken place. We can either disregard those points or, for the sake of historical consistency in points scored, assign ourselves the “chalk points.” I’ll let Pat make the final call there. For the record, the OVC had only one upset in the first round, the Big South was all chalk and the Horizon also had one upset.

Anyway, onto the picks for today’s games. Two tournaments start today, the Patriot League and the Atlantic Sun – both 1-pointers. We’ll check back in later with our picks for tomorrow’s big slate, but here are my picks for now. Pat’s unable to get online before the first game of the day in the A-Sun, so I’ll relay his pick of #1 Lipscomb over #8 Kennesaw State.

Bo’s Picks

Atlantic Sun (1-pointer)
1st round: #1 Lipscomb over #8 Kennesaw State, #4 Campbell over #5 E. Tennessee State, #6 Mercer over #3 Belmont, #2 Jacksonville over #7 North Florida.

Semi’s: Lispcomb over Campbell, Jacksonville over Mercer

Champion: Jacksonville

Thoughts: Go Jags

Patriot League (1-pointer)

1st round: #1 Lehigh over #8 Army, #5 Navy over #4 American, #6 Colgate over #3 Lafayette, #2 Bucknell over #7 Holy Cross

Semi’s: Lehigh over Navy, Colgate over Bucknell

Champion: Lehigh

Thoughts: Later skaters

Well, if you’re at all familiar with the Basement’s track record then you know two things. First, we tend to be a bit lazy in our promptness. So in the vain of posting our NFL predictions after week 1 had already been played, it’s time to present to you the 2010 Parents’ Basement death pool draft. Of course, death pool drafts typically take place before, or at the start of, a new year but that’s just not how we roll.

The other thing you know about the Basement, (bare with me, I know there aren’t any true followers of the Basement … yet) is that when we finally get around to doing something, we go balls out. Oh, you like to do an office pool for March Madness? Scoff. At the Basement, we pick every game of every conference tournament.

So while you may have some mom and pop death pool draft with your friends where you each pick five people, the Basement goes all out. Personally, I had about 250 people on my big board, but Pat and I decided to each pick a 25-person roster. For those unfamiliar with the concept of a death pool, the point is to select someone who you think has a chance of dying in 2010. Of course, there’s a little more involved, otherwise we’d both be picking nothing but old people. If one of your “players” does indeed bite the dust, your awarded point total is the age of the deceased subtracted from 100.

Points = 100 – Dan Rather’s age

Without further ado, I present to you the rosters for the 2010 Death Pool. Pat picked first overall, then I got two sandwich picks and it was 1-1-1 … from then on.Also, we only picked (marginal) celebrities for the purposes of the blog. It wouldn’t be much fun for the three of you reading if I picked Hall Wang since you don’t know who he is.

Pat – The Billy Mays All-Stars

1. Khaleid Sheikh Mohammed
2. John Wooden
3. Seve Ballesteros
4. Fidel Castro
5. Ernie Harwell
6. Mohammed Ali
7. Dick Clark
8. Doug E Doug
9. Peter Falk
10. Verne Troyer
11. Manute Bol
12. The Great Khali
13. Artie Lange
14. Courtney Love
15. Amy Winehouse
16. Lex Luger
17. Martin Sheen
18. Lindsey Lohan
19. Dennis Hopper
20. Bobby The Brain Heenan
21. Jimmy Carter
22. Elizabeth Taylor
23. Kirk Douglas
24. Queen Elizabeth
25. Andy Rooney

Bo – “Was Gonna Pick JD Salinger A Month Ago”

1. Michael J. Fox
2. Brittney Spears
3. Robert Byrd
4. Pacman Jones
5. Danica Patrick
6. Bret The Hitman Hart
7. Nelson Mandela
8. Rowdy Roddy Piper
9. Gene Hackman
10. Pat Summerall
11. Gheorge Muresan
12. Tera Patrick
13. Mahmoud Ahmedenijad
14. David Blaine
15. John McCain
16. Owen Wilson
17. Larry Holmes
18. Bill Conlin
19. John Goodman
20. Flea
21. Tito Jackson
22. Don Rickles
23. Trig Palin
24. Linda McCartney
25. Michael C. Hall

Overall, I have to say that Pat’s roster is a little deeper. With the first overall pick, he took a guy who could be given the death penalty. It’s borderline BS, but I have to tip my cap to a good scouting department. Pat got great value from his first four picks, but he also had a few later-round gems.

Best Pick

Pat – Artie Lange in the 13th round. Not only did the guy already try to kill himself recently, but he’s such a fat, alcoholic mess of a life that he could just up and die even if he doesn’t want to. Lange’s only 42, so this could turn out to be the game-changer.

Bo – Nelson Mandela in the 7th round. I’m not sure exactly how I was able to steal Mandela from Pat, who talks about Mandela more than anyone else alive. It won’t be a huge point-haul from the 92-year-old, but I’m just happy with sniping someone from Pat’s watch list.

Wildcard

Pat – Amy Winehouse. Winehouse is a staple of death pool drafts because of her absurd lifestyle, but nothing’s beaten her yet. If she does go six feet under this year though, she’ll net Pat a huge 74 points. I should note here that you don’t get any points if you’re involved in the person’s death. Looking at you Pat.

Bo – Trig Palin – The most controversial pick of the draft, but it presents the biggest upside. Trig is Palin’s youngest child, currently less than 2-years-old, and he has down syndrome. I know, this makes me a terrible person, but I’m just looking for the best value.

Worst Pick

Pat – Doug E. Doug – Hilarious, but ill-advised. As long as Doug has his lucky egg, he’s not going anywhere.

Bo – Tera Patrick – I felt like taking someone from porn, but this is just not a good pick. Patrick has transcended the seediest parts of porn by this point, so I don’t expect her to go anywhere.

UPDATE – Please read the comments section for a well-reasoned follow-up and post-draft analysis from the bastard third member. Basically the Crush to our Ax and Smash.

Well, much like Bret Hart earlier this year, the Basement is making its long anticipated return after a much publicized absence from the spotlight. And don’t worry, we don’t have on jean shorts, we have washed our hair in the past 5 years, and we will not be allowing any of our mortal enemies (Rick Reilly, Chris Berman, Bob Vila, etc.) to spit in our faces. So without further ado, I wanted to touch on some of the major topics we should have posted about if we had any respect for ourselves or our blog (and most importanly, get our NFL picks off of the top line).

Tiger Woods: Everything that can be said about this has been said, so I’ll keep it as short as I can. I don’t care that Tiger, purposely or not, manufactured the image of a happy family man even though he had women in every area code, because I never cared whether he had a family or not in the first place. I like watching sports. That’s why I follow them. If I was in it for the human interest stories, I’d stick to the Lifetime Movie Network. Hopefully, none of the guys I root for are sociopaths, but I’m seriously supposed to get worked up about adultery? Powerful dudes have been rolling through women since the dawn of time. I’m not at all suprised, or concerned for that matter, that Tiger followed in the same footsteps as Tommy Jefferson, FDR, JFK, Bill Clinton, Michael Jordan, etc etc etc. I’m much more offended, for instance, by the fact that Derek Jeter has gone out most every day for the past 15 years and played somewhere between a shitty and mediocre shortstop, yet ends up winning gold gloves like they’re Bingo prizes. That’s the scandal I really want to do something about. I wish there were less people writing sanctimonious bullshit about what guys do off the field (or the course), and more people concerned about actually knowing what the hell is happening on it.

Mark McGwire: Great to see such a noble man get rewarded with a job in baseball. It reminds me of when Nelson Mandela got elected president after serving decades in jail. If only he’d been around that clubhouse earlier, Josh Hancock may still be alive today.

The NFL Season: Tough thing to sum up in a few words, but it was actually sort of refreshing to see the two best teams all season make it to the Super Bowl. The past 4 or 5 years have been characterized by seemingly mediocre teams catching fire towards the end of the season and carrying that to a championship, and I actually feared that might happen again with the Cowboys (ok ok, you caught me, I never really believed Wade Phillips would win a championship, but still, my point remains the same).  This first sunday without football is going to suck, but hey, at least we got 2 weeks of curling and 9 months of Nascar coming up!

MLB Offseason: Hopefully, Bo will have a chance to comment on the Mets because they are my favorite baseball story going.  We’ve talked about their idiot GM at length on this blog, but as an Omar Minaya hater, this offseason has exceeded even my wildest expectations. It really has been a delight. If Omar Minaya ran Dominos, he wouldn’t have changed the recipe, he would’ve given needless bonuses to his current pizza chefs and then spent the rest of his money on upgrading the cinnamon sticks. I’m hoping that after a tough April, he trades F-Mart and Jenry Mejia for Gil Meche.

JD Salinger: I have to toot my own horn for a second. I’m a bit of a trail blazer on this one. I’ve been thinking of him as a dead guy since I found out who he was in 7th grade.

I don’t have time to elaborate, but I wanted to get these up before these games started.

NFC East

1. Eagles 12-4

2. Cowboys 11-5

3. Giants 9-7

4. Redskins 7-9

NFC North

1. Vikings 11-5

2. Packers 9-7

3. Bears 7-9

4. Lions 3-13

NFC South

1. Falcons 10-6

2. Saints 9-7

3. Panthers 7-9

4. Bucs 4-12

NFC West

1. 49ers 10-6

2. Seahawks 8-8

3. Cardinals 6-10

4. Rams 1-15

Wild Card: Cowboys over 49ers, Falcons over Packers

Divisional: Eagles over Cowboys, Vikings over Falcons

NFC Championship: Eagles over Vikings

Super Bowl: Eagles over Pats

MVP/Offensive POY: Adrian Peterson

Defensive POY: Mario Williams

Offensive Rookie: Percy Harvin

Defensive Rookie: Ray Mauluga

Coach of the Year: Mike Singletary (I can’t believe I’m writing that)

NFC East

Philadelphia Eagles (12-4) – The Eagles are a team that usually gets stronger as the season goes on, and I think they’re set up to do that even moreso this year. It will probably take some game experience for Andy Reid and offensive coordinator Marty Mornhinweg to figure out the best way to use all of their offensive weapons in the most efficient way. Aside from Vick and a breakout year from DeSean Jackson, the biggest addition to the offensive is actually LeSean McCoy. Because Brian Westbrook has tended to wear down as season’s have gone on in past years, being able to spell Westbrook early in the season with McCoy should allow Westbrook to be more healthy in December and January than he’s been in a long time. The same year-long improvement should be expected from new defensive coordinator Sean McDermott, although it would be tough for him to call a better defensive game than he did in week 1 against the Panthers. All that being said, the reason I have them as my number 1 seed in the NFC is that the schedule works perfectly in their favor. They play the easy games early (Chiefs, Raiders, Redskins at home …) and then get the difficult matchups when they’ll be more adjusted to their personnel.

New York Giants (10-6) – Definitely believe in the defense and Osi Umenyiora is a beast. I just think the offense will take a big step back, as we saw them become one-dimensional without Plaxico last year. Let alone how ridiculous it is that the highest player in the league isn’t even one of the best ten players at his position (I go Brady, Brees, Manning, Roethlisberger, McNabb, Rodgers, Rivers, Romo, Ryan, then either Warner, Cutler, or Palmer). They’ll win the games they should win and get into the playoffs.

Dallas Cowboys (8-8) – Don’t like the receiving corps or the defense outside of DeMarcus Ware, although I am intrigued by the notion that they might have a nice home field advantage the first time opponents play in the new stadium. If Jason Garrett let this team work like the Giants offense and they count on a one-two punch of Felix Jones and Marion Barber to move the offense I’d be higher on them.

Washington Redskins (6-10) – Not a terrible team, I just think they’re clearly outclassed in the division. I’ve also always liked Jason Campbell a little bit but he’s not the kind of guy who can win on his own. I don’t have anything else to add except that I find it hilarious that there’s a craze in Washington D.C. about Brian Orakpo already.

NFC North

Green Bay Packers (10-6) – Love Aaron Rodgers, love Greg Jennings, and it looks like the defensive change to the 3-4 is going smoothly. Pair that with a little overrating of the Bears and Vikings and I think the Packers pull the division out.

Minnesota Viikings (9-7) – I have the Vikings in a three-way tie for the last wildcard spot and getting in on the convoluted tie-breaker. We all know Adrian Peterson is a beast, and the run defense is beastly. I Favre will probably end up losing them one or two games, but that’s still better than what Tarvaris Jackson would have done.

Chicago Bears (9-7) – I’d compare the Bears to what Pat said about the Ravens. The defense is aging a little bit and should take a step down while the offense takes a step up. Devin Hester is turning into a legit No. 2 receiver, and Matt Forte is really, really good, so the offense is on the rise. So I think they’re caught in between right now. I’d probably also dock them a game or two now that they’ve lost Urlacher.

Detroit Lions (4-12) – They’ll probably ruin a ton of survivor picks at some point this season.

NFC South

New Orleans Saints (10-6) – I think the Saints get it done in the South and there’ll be a growing theme that Brees might be best quarterback in the league. The D is improved enough to get them through the regular season but I’m guessing they’ll falter come playoff time.

Atlanta Falcons (9-7) – I’m not sure Matt Ryan will be much better than he was last year, but the rest of the offense should so that will off-set. The D is average, good enough to get the job done for the most part. Blah.

Carolina Panthers (8-8) – What kind of odds can I get on A.J. Feeley for MVP? But seriously, has a quarterback ever had back-to-back games as bad as Delhomme had? Even with that, they still have a great running game and a good defense. They just need to be playing from ahead to be successful and I think they’ll make a lot of noise this season and fall just short of the playoffs.

Tampa Bay Bucs (5-11) – I think they’ll hang around as a frisky season for the first half of the season before giving the reigns to Josh Freeman and free fall. Most of all, I’m proud that they’re bringing back the old Jaguars philsophy of having all black quarterbacks on the roster if you have a starting black quarterback in the south because otherwise the racist fan base would call for the backup even more fervently than in other cities.

NFC West

Seattle Seahawks (9-7) – Just by a hair over the 49ers for me, although I’m still second-guessing it. Just a little more veteran talent that’s not quite over the hill yet. Hasselbeck should have a nice comeback year and I like their young defense with Curry and Tatupu.

San Francisco 49ers (8-8) – Shaun Hill is more serviceable than he gets credit for, and I think they’ll be able to take advantage of a weak division and schedule to pull out a .500 record. And yes, Patrick Willis is the best middle linebacker in the game.

Arizona Cardinals (6-10) – It’s sad how much of a foregone conclusion the Cardinals free fall is this year. But I guess when you have a quarterback older than Rasputin and a defense that’s looser than Lou Holtz’s grasp on reality, there’s not much to be debated.

St. Louis Rams (3-13) – Seriously? Three years after the draft and all five of your first three-round picks are gone? I mean that has to be one of the monumentally worse drafts of my lifetime, I’m just too lazy right now to look into it further. But yeah, Tye Hill, great pick.

Playoffs

Saints beat Vikings, Giants win in Seattle

Eagles beat Giants, Packers beat Saints

Eagles beat Packers

(mouth full of Kool-Aid)

Well, unlike Bo, I did not pick every game on the NFL schedule (I’m actually going to have to go ahead and diagnose him with some form of OCD for doing so. The 2010 baseball schedule came out this week. Have you started on that yet?). Because I didn’t really formulate any specific projections beforehand, I can’t deny that the first week did have some effect on my predictions. I think you’ll notice, however, that most of my picks make it seem like I didn’t even watch football last week, let alone allow myself to be completely swayed by it. I did not plan it that way, but I decided to stick to my guns on several teams.

AFC East

1. Patriots 12-4: I wouldn’t read too much into last Monday night. First of all, I think Buffalo is going to be better than people think. Secondly, I think Belichick may have out-thought himself a little bit in trying to hide some of the playbook last week so he can more easily embarass the Jets this week. They do have some issues on the offensive line and on defense, but as long as Brady stays on the field, they’re going to win between 11 and 14 games.

2. Bills 9-7: I’ve liked the Bills as a sleeper all offseason, and I have to admit I was pretty disappointed they didn’t put away the Pats last week. I feel like that bitter ending combined with Dick Jauron being mildly autistic could kill this season before it gets off the ground. I’m going to stick with them though. I think Trent Edwards is better than people think, and he has plenty of weapons to work with. The defense should be pretty good as well, so I’d expect this team to, at the very least, be competitive all year. I actually have them sneaking in the playoffs.

3. Jets 7-9: I was impressed with the Jets on Sunday, but I’m not quite buying into the hype just yet. The Texans lost to the Ravens 41-13 last year in Houston. I think that’s a pretty good indication that, for whatever reason, they have trouble blocking that style of defense. I’ll need to see the Jets play well against the Pats this coming Sunday before I buy into them as a playoff team. Mark Sanchez is not going to be Matt Ryan as a rookie. He’s going to show plenty of flashes, but I can’t imagine the consistency being there this early in his career. I could buy him as a 2008 Flacco which I guess is what Rex Ryan is shooting for, but the problem with that is the Jets D will not be what the Ravens’ was a year ago.

4. Dolphins 5-11: I could see them getting to 8 wins, but I can’t imagine them being a major factor this season. Decent team in a tough division that now has to play a first place schedule instead of a last place schedule. My guess is Chad Henne is starting by Week 5.

AFC North

1. Bengals 10-6: I know what you’re asking and the answer is no, I did not get a labotomy in the last 45 seconds. Everyone knows there’s going to be a couple of teams coming out of nowhere this year. I’d settled on this division a long time ago as the place for one of those Cinderella stories. I’d been going back and forth between the Ohio teams all offseason, but the moment I found out Brady Quinn would be starting in Cleveland, my mind was made up. The heartbreaker against Denver, though the stupidity of the defenisve alignment on the Stokely play nearly made me vomit out of sheer disbelief, was not enough to change my mind on this team. The defense is pretty good, and if Carson Palmer stays on the field, the offense should be fine as well. I really think this division is there for the taking, so fuck it, let’s go Bengals.

2. Ravens 9-7: I really like what the Ravens are building offensively, Flacco and Rice particularly, and I think they are close to entering a new era where their offense is actually the unit carrying the team. The problem is they’re in between this year. Their defense will take a step back, and although they will still be pretty good, I don’t see them anywhere near dominant. And while the offense will show glimpses of brilliance, I don’ t think this group is ready to become a consistent top 10 unit.

3. Steelers 8-8: The big secret about the Steelers is that they really weren’t that good last year. They were decent and everything broke right for them . I really think they would’ve lost to Tennessee or Philly if they had to play either team. In other meaningless what if scenario news, I think Yokozuna would still be alive today if he hadn’t fell off the ropes at Wrestlemania 10. The big guy never got over that. Trust me. Anyway, I think this year we go back to the good old days when the Super Bowl champion missed the playoffs the next season. I hate their O-Line, their running backs are mediocre, and they’ve already lost their best player for half the season.

Browns 5-11: If they start Derek Anderson, I think they could be a solid team. That’s how dumb I think starting Brady Quinn is. If he played at like Michigan State or Tennessee, would he even be considered for a starting job this year? Seriously, am I crazy or does the Notre Dame bias actually contaminate coaching decisions in the NFL?

AFC South

Titans 11-5: They were the best team in football last season, and I actually think the fact that they lost early may help them this season. I love their defense. I love their running backs. I love Kenny Britt. Their other skill guys are solid, their O-Line is good. I know people question whether Collins can get it done again, but I think he’ll be fine, and I actually think Vince Young is ready for another shot if he can’t.

Texans 10-6: Another team I’m sticking with after a bad week 1. Like I said, I think they just caught a bad matchup against that Ravens/Rex Ryan defense. This offense will be very good. And they have the pieces to be above average on defense. I’ve flip flopped a few times on this team, but ultimately decided that I do buy into the hype even after the Jets game.

Colts 8-8: I think this is finally the year the Colts slip up. They have no depth at receiver. Their offensive line has taken some hits. Their defense is still nothing special. And I think Jim Caldwell might prove to be a moron. He was a bad college coach, I can tell you that much. It’s never smart to pick against Peyton Manning, but I’m going to do it anyway.

Jaguars 6-10: I actually think they’re a pretty good team. I just like the other three teams in this division better. I think if they get a few guys swinging axes around in the locker room, they could make a playoff run.

AFC West

1. Chargers 10-6: I agree with most of what Bo said about this team. I’m sick of hearing that they’re the most talented team in the league. It’s just patently false. LT is a mediocre back at this point, the O-Line is already beat up, and their supposedly vaunted defense was atrocious last year and has several players (Merriman, Phillips, Cromartie) living mainly off reputation at this point. All that said, they’re the best team in this joke of a division, and I’d be shocked if they didn’t sleepwalk into the playoffs. I do have to disagree with Bo on one thing. Phillip Rivers is very good. If this team traded quarterbacks with anyone else in the division, it would change my pick.

2. Chiefs 8-8: They don’t have the worst roster in the league. In fact, they don’t even have the worst roster in the state of Missouri. They also get the biggest coaching bump in the league this year. They may still have a beatup racecar, but at least the driver isn’t Helen Keller anymore. Let’s remember that with Herm Edwards fresh in Jets fans’ memory, Eric Mangini was hailed as a genius. I think Chiefs fans are in for a similar sensation during this first season under Todd Haley, though I think he may have similar nutjob tendencies as Mangini that get old rather quickly. Anyway, they were tied with Bo’s AFC Champion with 2 minutes left in the 4th quarter and Brodie Croyle playing quarterback. I think this team will be a solid thorn in the side type all year long, and stay in the playoff mix into December.

3. Raiders 7-9: I actually like their defense and I like the speed they now have on offense. The problem is Jamarcus Russell is wildly inconsistent. I can’t imagine them being able to get over .500 with him under center. At least not yet.

4. Broncos 4-12: Completely disagree with Bo on this team. I think they’re in for a very long season. Kyle Orton sucks, I think McDaniels brought in too many old players to supplement what he inherited, and also Kyle Orton sucks.

Wild Card: Bills over Chargers, Texans over Bengals

Divisional: Pats over Bills, Texans over Titans

AFC Championship: Pats over Texans

So last Wednesday night on the eve of the NFL season opener I went through and picked every game on the NFL schedule just to whet my whistle. Of course, the other point of doing it was to prepare myself for the all-important Parents’ Basement NFL preview, but then I figured it would only be fitting if our preview was posted until after week 1 just because that’s how we like to do things around here. Anyway, I haven’t changed any of my projected records following the results of week 1, although I will say that I only missed three of the 16 games. I had the Bucs beating the Cowboys at home, the Raiders upsetting the Chargers at home, and the Eagles losing to the Panthers on the road.

AFC East

Patriots (10-6) – Well, Tom Brady was lucky to pull one out of his ass last night and the Patriots definitely have some serious problems on defense. But they’re still the cream of this division’s crop and I don’t think they should have too much trouble winning the division. As a Jaguars apologist, I like the addition of Fred Taylor to the backfield even if he didn’t look so great last night. Taylor is a truly patient runner, which is something they haven’t had in the past in New England. The only other random thing I’ll throw in there is that I’ve always really liked Leigh Bodden for some reason. That’s the kind of great analysis I know you’re looking for.

Jets (9-7) – Even before this week I had a good feeling about this Jets team, although I have them falling one game short of the playoffs. I’m not ashamed to admit that I have a full-on man crush on Mark Sanchez and like I said before the draft, I think he turns out to be a superior player to Matt Stafford. I watched him in person against the Eagles in the preseason and he only played one series, a long touchdown drive, but he was already progressing through his reads with ease and I think he’s in a good position to succeed. Rex Ryan already has a lot of talent on the Jets’ defense to work with and I think this is a team that’s going to make some serious noise. They’ll also be helped by a pretty easy-looking schedule.

Bills (6-10) – They’ve got some nice pieces but ultimately I’m just not a believer. I like Lee Evans a lot, think Fred Jackson is extremely underrated, and I like their defensive backfield. I don’t like a crappy, young, offensive line, an aging defensive line, and I don’t have enough faith in Trent Edwards to make enough plays on his own to lead them to a successful season. And I’m happy because I’ll never have to hear about how T.O. always does well in his first year with a team ever again.

Dolphins (6-10) – Last year’s single biggest fraud of a team, the Dolphins will come crashing back down to earth this season. Chad Pennington sucks. I don’t believe Ronnie Brown can be as productive as he was last year. And the two biggest factors in their playoff run last year, the easy schedule and the success of the wildcat, aren’t going to be in play this year. The run-only wildcat option is not going to be successful anywhere this year, and I know they have Pat White to run packages with but color me skeptical. Here’s what I will say for the Dolphins though. I love Chad Henne, thought he was the best QB coming out that year, and I think when he gets the reins full time next year the Dolphins might make some noise again.

AFC North

Baltimore Ravens (10-6) – One of my longer-shot Super Bowl possibilities, I think the offense will definitely improve with Flacco another year into the league and the offense, and a little more Ray Rice. The defense should decline a little, but they have a manageable schedule.

Pittsburgh Steelers (10-6) – I think the Super Bowl champs have a lot of issues still along the offensive line, but that didn’t stop them from going all the way last year. To me, Roethlisberger is probably the fourth best quarterback in the league right now and I like Santonio. The running back situation is obviously questionable, but it’s still a top-five defense.

Cincinnati Bengals (7-9) – I don’t believe in Carson Palmer or their defense. Or Cedric Benson.

Cleveland Browns (5-11) – At least Josh Cribbs is kind of fun to watch.

AFC South

Indianapolis Colts (11-5) – I think the Colts are absolutely destined for a decline. Manning doesn’t have the supporting staff he once had on offense, be it the line or the receivers. The defense has never been good against the run and if Jim Caldwell got fired from Wake, how can he make a good NFL coach? But, they actually have a really easy schedule, Manning is still Manning, and they’re still a well-built regular season team. I would have them finishing behind the Titans in the division if I thought Kerry Collins could stay healthy for a whole year.

Tennessee Titans (10-6) – Yeah Albert Haynesworth was a monster, but, having followed this division closely the past however many years, the rest of the Titans defensive line is really underrated. They won’t miss a beat, and the defense will still be really good. I’d love the Titans to win 12-13 games if, like I said before, I thought Kerry Collins would stay healthy for a whole season but I’m expecting him to miss a couple games.

Jacksonville Jaguars (9-7) – Very wishful thinking and realistically I’m probably expecting somewhere around seven wins. But I went through the schedule and every game is winnable. I’m a believer in David Garrard, although he didn’t have a good game against the Colts. I expect the Jags to start out slow having such a young nucleus but I really believe they’re going to finish the season as a real surprise team. This projection is more of a stamp of approval for the direction the roster has taken than anything else. New GM Gene Smith is building through the draft, getting the big guys early, and I’m excited about the future.

Houston Texans (7-9) – They’ll be the same thing they are every year, inconsistent with flashes of brilliance.

AFC West

San Diego Chargers (11-5)

I really don’t like the Chargers as a whole. Despite all evidence to the contrary, I’m still not that high on Phillip Rivers. LT really did not look good last night. And I think the defense is overrated. They’ve been such a lock to win this division according to everyone that I’m weary of it, but I just couldn’t picture a scenario with another team winning more games, barring injury to Rivers.

Denver Broncos (9-7) – My other big sleeper, which I called before the miracle win in Cincinnati. I just have a good feeling about them, although I have them missing the playoffs by a game too. Anyway, I think this season will be a pleasant surprise for Josh McDaniels, Alphonso Smith, and Will Schwartz.

Oakland Raiders (7-9) – I’m not spending more than a sentence on a team that traded a first-round pick for an aging DE, but I do think the Raiders will be a feisty team all year.

Kansas City Chiefs (4-12) – I think the Chiefs actually have the worst roster in the NFL. I think there might be two players on the Chiefs I’d want on my team, Branden Albert and Dwayne Bowe. Maybe Tamba Hali? That’s it.

Playoffs

Titans win at Patriots
Ravens beat Steelers

Titans win at Colts
Ravens win at Chargers

Ravens beat Titans

So I stumbled upon this article from the Washington Post’s website, and it actually infuriated me more than anything Rick Reilly has ever written. The author is responding to Joe Banner’s statement that the Eagles have the best roster in football. Now, if I were just reading it on behalf of myself as an Eagles fan, then I probably would’ve left it alone, but because the birds are now also Bo’s employer, I feel I have no choice but to step in and make this guy pay. What can I say? I’m loyal.

http://views.washingtonpost.com/theleague/panelists/2009/07/joe-banner-philadelphia-eagles-kun.html

Banner Is a 10-Year-Old

by Michael Kun

Oh shit. He’s got the Benjamin Button disease? This is going to be a groundbreaking piece of reporting.

On Saturday evening, we had a cookout at our home. It was a fairly lively event and, as you might expect, for a good part of the evening the men and their sons were gathered around the barbeque talking sports.

It was loud and fun.

I already hate this guy just for making “it was loud and fun” a stand-alone paragraph.

Until the subject turned to the NFL and the 10-year-old son of one of our friends suddenly announced that the Eagles had the best team in football.

Well it’s definitely debatable, but in my humble opinion, that 10 year old is right. I, along with my 10 year old friend, would certainly welcome a counter-argument though. Perhaps, you will now break down the rosters of teams like the Pats and Steelers to prove why they are actually better than the Eagles? Is that the point of this article? (SPOILER ALERT: nope, trick question. there is, in fact, no point to this article)

Then you could hear the proverbial crickets chirping as a bunch of grown men tried to figure out how to explain to a 10-year-old that, well, he was just plain wrong.

…before finally just giving up, and deciding instead to beat the kid within an inch of his life.

Not only are the Eagles not the best team in football, but, in our lifetimes, they have never been the best team in football.

First of all, that’s not necessarily true. There have been times over the past 10 years where the Eagles were probably the best team before injuries struck the point moot. I get your point though. They never won a Super Bowl. Fair enough, but what the fuck does this have to do with this year?

Never.

Douche

Ever.

Bag

The first thing to look at to determine whether they are the best team in football would be whether they won the championship last year, we explained to our friend’s son. Did the Eagles win the Super Bowl last year? No.

The ’04 Pats are the only team to repeat in the last decade. Rosters in the NFL are by far the most liquid of all sports. Who won last year very rarely matters, and this particular Steelers team was certainly no juggernaut. In fact, the Eagles manhandled them when they did meet, so if I was the 10 year old boy, my reply to this point would be “fuck you, old man.”

Recognizing that sometimes fluky things happen and the best teams don’t win (feel free to insert your own examples here), the second step in determining whether they are the best team in football would be whether they had the best record in the NFL, we explained. Did the Eagles have the best record in the league last year? No. They were 9-6-1. The Giants won 3 more games than they did. That’s not a lot in baseball. But in football, winning 3 more games than your rival is pretty darned big.

Um, and then they beat the Giants in Giants stadium twice in the last month of the season, including a playoff game, and by all reasonable measures, had a better offseason (at least on paper), so who cares about what happened in the first 3 months of last season?

Did something fluky happen to deprive them of a championship that they otherwise would have or should have won last year? No. Instead, a bunch of fluky things happened that help them get further than they otherwise should have. Like, oh, a tie game. And, say, a star receiver for the division rival Giants shooting himself in the thigh (thereby setting both NFL season and career records for most times a star receiver has shot himself in the thigh). And a star receiver for the division rival Cowboys shooting his mouth off and destroying a team that, on paper, was better than the Eagles.

Oh man oh man oh man. That paragraph pissed me off so much that I had to get up from my computer, punch a hole in the wall, then return to tear this apart piece by piece.

Did something fluky happen to deprive them of a championship that they otherwise would have or should have won last year? No.

Well, that Cardinal game could’ve gone either way, and if you remember, it did end on a 4^th down incompletion to Kevin Curtis that could’ve easily been called interference, which would’ve kept alive a potential game tying drive in a game that could’ve send them to the Super Bowl. Whatever though, that’s football, I don’t mind conceding this point.

Instead, a bunch of fluky things happened that help them get further than they otherwise should have.

If you’re referring to Week 17 where several seemingly unlikely events had to occur to leave the Eagles with even a shot at the playoffs, including the 3-12 Raiders beating the Bucs, and all of them happening, then yes, I will definitely grant you this point as well.

Like, oh, a tie game.

Wait what? A tie game? Against the fucking Bengals? That was a great break that made their season? You can’t be serious. I really don’t believe this guy even watched that game. I think he just saw they were 9-6-1 and said to himself, “A tie! Football teams don’t tie! Now I’ve got you, Banner!”

And, say, a star receiver for the division rival Giants shooting himself in the thigh (thereby setting both NFL season and career records for most times a star receiver has shot himself in the thigh).

Plaxico getting hurt certainly helped the Eagles last year, so yes, if you want to call that “fluky” then technically you’re right, but he’s not going to be playing next year either so how the fuck does this enhance your point in any way? It’s not like the Eagles snuck by the Giants with a bad call or a weird bounce that can’t be duplicated this year. Their best offensive player shot himself and is probably never going to play for the team again, losing him very obviously shifted the balance of power between the two teams, and this is somehow a check in the Giants’ column for 2009?

And a star receiver for the division rival Cowboys shooting his mouth off and destroying a team that, on paper, was better than the Eagles.

Of all the stupid, annoying bullshit in this article, this statement may be the stupidest and most annoying. The Eagles beat the Cowboys 44-6 in week 17 with the playoffs on the line for both teams. And you actually, amazingly, are arguing that the reason for this was that TO destroyed the team? This is so utterly retarded that I just shoved a fork in my eye. And even if you do want to convince yourself of this moronic assertion, how is anything TO does to destroy a team a fluke? Why not just say, “The Cowboys would’ve been 16-0 last year if it weren’t for the crazy fluke of Wade Phillips being a clueless hack and the weird anomaly of Tony Romo choking in big spots! Talk about your bad breaks!”

And on top of everything else, the Cowboys have clearly taken a step back this past offseason, and certainly don’t have a 2009 roster that matches the Eagles’, so how the fuck does anything in this entire paragraph help make your point? The only thing I can gather is that you’re saying the perfect storm of a tie game against a shitty team, Plaxico Burress shooting his dick off, and TO acting like a douche cannot possibly be duplicated, and therefore, the Eagles don’t have the best roster. Is that your thesis?

Recognizing that last year was, well, last year, the third thing to look at in determining whether the Eagles are the best team in the league would be whether the Eagles made significant offseason moves that would leapfrog them over the other, better teams. Did the Eagles do that during this past off-season? No. First round pick Jeremy Maclin is a nice receiver. But not that nice. He alone isn’t going to catapult the Eagles over the top. (And, besides, last I saw he hadn’t even signed a contract yet.) On the other side of the ball, they lost Brian Dawkins. Say what you want about Dawkins, but until the Eagles prove otherwise on the field, they just won’t be the same without him.

This is just pure ignorance. The Eagles’ biggest problem last year was short yardage offense. Of the 19 games they played, they only lost one by more than 7 points, meaning just about every week, they had the ball in the 4^th quarter with a chance to tie the game or take the lead, and the inability to convert key 3^rd and 4^th and shorts killed them time and time again. And thus, in the offseason, they added Jason Peters, one of the most physically gifted tackles in football, and Stacy Andrews, a mammoth road grating guard. Plus, Shawn Andrews, one of the most dominant guards in football before missing all of last season, will hopefully be healthy enough to return and take over at RT. Throw in the additions of Leonard Weaver, their first true full back in years, and Lesean McCoy, an excellent college running back, and it becomes clear that you have conveniently glossed over the fact that they have completely overhauled their biggest weakness. I believe you actually just attempted to argue that Jeremy Maclin was the only notable addition. The point of this article is to refute Joe Banner’s statement that the Eagles are the best team in football, your overly aggressive title calls him a 10 year old, and yet you clearly know nothing about the composition of their roster.

So, we asked the 10-year old boy as politely as we could, how could you say that the Eagles are the best team in football?

Because they are

His answer: “Because they’re my favorite team.”

Great. I’m glad you bullied a 10 year old kid into admitting he can’t win a football debate against the 10 drunk 50 year olds hovering over him. Pat yourself on the back, you’re a real hero.

In an odd way, you have to respect that answer.

And, in just as odd a way, his answer is no different than Joe Banner saying that the Eagles have the best roster in the NFL, because Joe Banner’s business card says, “President, Philadelphia Eagles” on it. And not only is it Joe Banner’s job to promote the Philadelphia Eagles, but, presumably, they are his favorite team.

Yes, “presumably”, Joe Banner’s favorite football team is the one whose successes and failures determine his livelihood. Excellent deduction. You’ve really nailed him here. Edward R. Murrow would be proud.

And if Joe Banner, President of the Philadelphia Eagles, doesn’t believe the Eagles have the best roster in the league, he is nevertheless obligated to say so. Perhaps not morally or legally, but something close. Because while there probably would be few consequences if the President of the Houston Texans admitted that the Texans did not have the best roster in the league, the President of the Philadelphia Eagles could not admit that even if he wanted to.

What the fuck are you talking about, dude? He could just not say anything. Did any other team president say their team had the best roster this year? Does Banner make this proclamation every single year? I could be wrong, but I’m fairly certain the answer is no to both questions.

Because, you see, his team plays in Philadelphia, and if you have ever been to Philadelphia, you would. understand precisely why he cannot stick his neck out like that.

AGAIN, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?? He can’t stick his neck out? Sticking his neck out is EXACTLY what he did do, you buffoon. And trust me, Philadelphia, or any other sports town in America, would get a lot more pissed if a GM or team president claimed a team had the best roster and then sucked, then if they said nothing at all. I could swear I’m being punk’d right now. Where’s Ashton?

So, do the Eagles have the best roster in the NFL?

Of course not. There are, off the top of the head, eight other teams that have better rosters, and they start with the Patriots and Steelers. Toss in the Giants, Colts, Vikings (regardless of what Brett Favre decides to do), Ravens and the Panthers. And the Titans, too. And we haven’t even mentioned the Cardinals, Cowboys or Bears.

Wow. He finally decides to name a bunch of teams that are better and gives no explanation at all as to why they’re better. This guy really is just a complete joke. Find me one front office person in the NFL who honestly believes the Eagles are worse than all of these teams you’ve listed. Find me one legit publication who ranks them that low. You spent your whole goddamn article talking about last season, and you include 3 teams who the Eagles eliminated last year as being better, and 3 teams that didn’t make the playoffs. Do you know anything about the composition of any of these teams’ rosters, like who they signed, who they lost, who they drafted? Or are you just throwing out random teams that were pretty good last year? I honestly don’t know the answer to this.

Does Joe Banner know that?

Of course he does.

Give Joe Banner some fucking truth serum and see if he says the Eagles have the 12^th best roster in the NFL going into the season. I mean, shit, I don’t mind people being arrogant and condescending when arguing a point (or else I’d be a hypocrite), but when you’re condescending with no evidence and very little knowledge of the particular subject, then you just come off like a goddamn moron. You just seem like someone who hates the Eagles, which is ironic because I thought your whole point was that Banner and the 10 year old can’t be objective because of how much they love the Eagles. To be fair though, I guess I really have no fucking clue what your point is.

Can he say that?

Of course not.

Because the Eagles are his favorite team.

Here we go again. This argument would work a lot better if you had any evidence for why he’s incorrect other than pointless, mostly wrong assertions about last season.

That said, if you ever check out Joe Banner’s bio in the Eagles media guide, he says that Dan Fogelberg is one of his favorite singers.

Why on earth would he admit that?

Seriously.

Why?

Nice, dude. You really burned him. I really believe the Eagles will be very good this year, and if they are, I hope this 10 year old kid you decided to mock prints off about a hundred copies of this article and hands them out at your next shitty barbecue so you can be the one who 20 people surround and laugh at.